TODAY IS CHRISTMAS! AND last night was Christmas Eve! And I'm back writing! I'm excited yet extremely tired right now. But I have been wanting to start this blog for some time now. I promised myself that I would begin today....(Drumroll please)....so here I am and here it is. And I must say that it feels like a wonderful time to start writing on my blog! :) Merry Christmas to you and I truly hope that you had a wonderful day! I hope something magical took place.
Let's seeeeee.... I have so many thoughts that I really don't even know exactly where to start. (Arghhh) ....I know I am so full right now that I wish I would have said no to that extra helping of smoked turkey - __ -
but since I don't practice upchucking food I will have to suffer the consequence of being greedy (Kill me now Jesus!)
As 2014 comes to a close I think it is important to take a look back on the year and do inventory on things accomplished, set-backs, learning experiences... you know--the basics.
As I look back on my year I can literally say it has been a HUGE year of growth, change, and standing up for myself. I have discovered several things about myself that I buried subconsciously. I did not want to address those things and discovering them about myself was frightening. What I found out about myself was that I was a runner...and not just the literal idea of a running. I run from problems instead of addressing them head on. If I can not run from those problems I will make a joke about it. I learned that at the age of 24 I am still not sure exactly what I want to do with my life. I learned that I have to ask for what I want when it comes to men and relationships and not just go with the flow. I learned how to release people out of my life when their season is over and just know that God will send the right people for me at the right time. I learned to beware of extremely handsome guys appearing in my life, saying all the right things, but still missing the key piece ( just say NO). I learned that Mary Jane just doesn't do ANYTHING for me. (seriously I experimented to many times to count) I learned over indulging in alcohol makes me embarrassed of my behavior the next day and inherently lowers my self-respect. I've learned that animals make better friends (at times) then humans. Conversely, I've learned to have a good friend I must learn to be a better friend. I've learned that it's my DAMN hair and I can do whatever the hell I want with it with or without the approval of my family. (I have to pat myself on the back for that, truly). I've discovered that I love my natural hair even if it's not the standard grade of "good hair". I have discovered that God truly loves me. I have discovered that forgiveness is the key to the restoration of happiness, and that the best way to forgive someone is to forget the bad and only remember the good about that person. I have rediscovered that I am extremely creative and I give all Glory to God. I discovered that I was still holding on to the demise of my college relationship. I discovered that a lot of the things that I don't like in others I see in myself. I discovered that I am currently not where I want to be, but apparently I am where I am suppose to be....Whooo. This is a lot I know. And I'm sure I could say more... But for now that is it.
What are your thoughts on the year 2014? What did this year mean to you as a person? Did you discover anything about yourself that will help you go into the new year a little wiser, stronger, better? Let me know. I would love to hear from you.
Blessings and Love!
After reading this, I realized that we have more in common. When I'm faced with problems that I don't want to deal with, I find myself shutting down & detaching myself from it. I usually say "I'll deal with this later" but the problem is that I never get back to dealing with it. I never looked at it as me running away from my problems, but that's exactly what it is. It's just that I was so tired of being disappointed, so in my mind if I didn't deal with the problem then I wouldn't have to deal with the disappointment that I was accustomed to. I even found myself running away from a relationship with God because I was lost on how to start it back, but I'm starting back with writing in a journal to him everyday because it's easier for me than verbalized a prayer because I don't know what to say. 2014 has been an eye-opening year, I think the only positive thing that came from this year is me learning how to love myself & being happy with myself - me being more concerned with my own happiness and not thinking about what would make other people happy. I'm learning that my life is mine and I have to make decisions for myself and not worry about what my family & others will say. -DD
ReplyDeleteYou said some really good stuff there DD. I totally agree with you and it is funny and ironic that you and I share a lot of the same tendencies. I just started praying to God by writing him letters as well! lol. I noticed that I was more open, honest, direct, and the words simply flowed when I write to him vs. praying aloud. I totally understand what you mean about this year being pretty rough. It was rough for me as well. So rough that in the middle of the year I literally tried to commit suicide. I was lost, depressed, and I felt hopeless. I thank God that didn't happen though. DD I really feel like this year was a rough one for us because we had to learn how to discover and go after our own dreams and passions. Because we were so reliant upon a strict plan that we had made with the help of parents, society, and peer pressure. It was hard to let go of dreams and aspirations of where we should be at the present time..But I can tell you one thing..It made us wiser, stronger, and it gave us the ability to stand up for our own selfves and beliefs. Thank you for commenting on the blog and being vulnerable. Believe me it will help you and others. Please keep following the blog and lets help each other discover our true passions and destiny as we travel into 2015. DD I decree and declare by the blood of Jesus that we will get there and this rough patch will be forgotten just like when we would cry about missing home at ASMS. lol! I love you girl!
ReplyDeleteYes!!! With writing what I want to say to him I feel I get to talk about everything I need vs praying aloud when I feel like I'm just rushing to get done & not really thinking about it. Believe me, I understand about the suicide, that's when I knew I had literally hit rock bottom, before that I thought things couldn't get much worse but I was wrong. It takes time to get your life together, nothing happens overnight and that's another lesson that we all have to learn. I'm no where near where I want to be in life, I'm not even sure what I want to, but I have faith (& learning to have patience) that the answer will eventually come to me. It's also important to learn to not stress over things that we don't have any control over, life happens & we just have to deal with it the best way we know how. AMEN to your prayer because Lord knows the struggles we dealt with at ASMS & if we made it out of there anything is possible LOL. I love you too girlie!!! Also, I'm proud of you, you're working on yourself to become a better person & woman and that by itself is amazing.
DeleteLol! You def. are my girl! and I appreciate the encouragement. Know that I am proud of you as well for continuing to press on because sometimes.that is hardest and strongest thing a person can do!
DeleteYou are an amazing woman! I've always admired how free spirited you are. I am very proud of you and as I always ALWAYS say I wish we lived closer to each other. I didn't know about some of these things you talked about and I would have loved to be there for you but I am so happy you're in a good place now. 2014 was a struggle for me and the family here as well but I am confident about the future. You will rock it! In terms of school and knowing what you want to do in life, think about your events this way...at least you now know what you DONT want to do and didn't waste your time and energy into something that doesn't make you happy. I've discovered this year that life is nothing without love and happiness.
ReplyDeleteyou are so right Aryn, and I love how positive and encouraging you've always been. I know a lot of the reason why I was so encouraged about going after my own dreams was because I saw my cousin (you) lol! following you. That in itself is inspiring to any person and helps us remember that following our dreams is possible! So thank you for being a trailblazer. And yes I do now know several things that I would not be interested in doing! anything involving rats surely tops the list! lol. Also I love what you discovered in 2014. Understanding that is the key to unlocking doors in your life. Love and happiness are two of the main things that life is about.
DeleteSeeker of all things Brave...you are beautiful! From your profile name to your last sentence I can relate to you. 2014 has been a hell of a year full of changes, setbacks, heartache and confusion; however it was a great year and I'm so blessed to be preparing for another. Just like you I have learned, grown, and have been strengthened mentally and physically this year. I won't expose details so soon but I have come such a long way. I'm not quite where I wanna be and at the end of the day sometimes I'm still unsure of where I want to go but God has me where I'm meant to be at this given moment. And now that I have realized and accepted that fact I have more peace of mind and less stress. As much as I like to express myself by writing I've never thought about writing prayers or keeping a journal expressing myself to God...that is awesome! I ask myself how come I've never thought of this but I'll blame it on working so much and not having enough time...there's always a bs excuse. Except for my last job I've never kept a job over 6 months..I get bored or turned off wanting to try something different and still don't know. As far as men...they are trifling and sick! Not all though...I've had so many married men approach me asking for relationships, sex, money, etc I can't even trust em. Am I missing something? Am I only good enough for sex or am I not worth an honest relationship without prior ties? I was so lost and confused. When and if the right one ever comes Lord be with him..And so many times I feel alone and caved in when I'm going through things I've learned that God said he'll be with you always, not family and friends. It'll be times when I have my mind set on what I want in life or on a goal I want to Accomplish and when I fail or don't make it all hell breaks lose with me and I feel destroyed or powerless and not even be motivated to try again or try something else and I smoke my life away...I've gotten better with that too. Now I just let God guide me and have his way with me and I have become so appreciative and loving of the simple things in life. I could go on and on about me but I love your blog and the feedback/positive vibes from everyone. It's cool to see how we all have similar life issues and how we share our experiences along with our victories and defeats of our battles. God wouldn't put us through anything we couldn't handle and only through him all things are possible. Keep the faith and always have hope for tomorrow. Happy Holidays and be blessed!
ReplyDeleteAnje I really appreciate and was so moved by your post today at work, so much so that I just started praising God today at work after reading your comment. You made me cry girl! lol. Your comment was confirmation for me that starting this blog was something that God had called me to do. I had got this sudden urge to start a blog a few weeks ago but like we do sometimes I had put it off. I have learned that writing is therapeutic for me. Some of my best poems and writings have come when I felt beyond hopeless. I am glad that you will try out writing to God. I think it will help you in increasing your relationship with Him. We know that if we draw near to him he will draw closer to us. :) Let me know if it helps you and what you discover about writing to him when time permits. Anywho I decided, concerning this blog, that I wanted to be totally honest and transparent with issues and struggles in my life in order to help and possibly encourage others. The bible says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies. (Rev 12:11) I think it is past time that we become real with our struggles and internal issues in order to grow and become the women that we are destined to be.Now a days we are so "connected" and yet so detached from the true meaning of love, friendship, honesty. What I want to create on this blog is an atmosphere of truth, love, and support. I thank you for opening up and being honest about your different struggles. Girl everything you said I can truly relate. The disappointments, the mistakes with men, feeling lonely, inadequate, the works! But praise be to God that Our King does not define us or even keep records of our wrongs (once we repent). Anje you are a powerful woman of God and all the hardships you have went through and currently deal with our molding you to become more like your MAKER. You are worth more than a mans toy. You are worth more than your mistakes. You are worthy because you are created in the image of the KING of kings and the LORD of lords. You carry inside of you the same God that created this entire universe. I hope that you continue to check out the blog. Please feel free to comment and share your experiences. You and your personal story truly makes a difference. It will help set others free and will soon be a record of how far God has brought us. :) LOVE AND BLESSINGS!
DeleteAww bless your heart...that was nobody but God. I'm glad that I could be conformation for you to fulfill your endeavors and that I was moved to post cause I hardly ever post on fb but I just felt the need to at that moment. You are a powerful woman of God and I know that I am going to grow and learn so much from you. You have already shined light on my life where I thought I was going through things alone where nobody else could understand but our experiences are almost identical.
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